Depression is a serious condition that affects many people in the United States, but the condition doesn’t just affect the depressed spouse. Depression also creates a burden on the non-depressed spouse who may feel lonely, stressed or overwhelmed by their partner’s behavior. Undiagnosed depression can be particularly harmful to a marriage as the depressed person’s spouse may feel they are being lazy or unfriendly. The journey to working through it together, of course, does not end with just a diagnosis for depression, so remember these things when going through treatment:
1. Trust in the Treatment
The success rate for the treatment of depression is 90 percent, and the treatment is relatively simple, generally a combination of medication and therapy, but sometimes including any number of new treatments that are showing promise, like Deep Brain Stimulation. At the same time, be prepared for it to take a while to see results as your spouse experiments with various medications and treatments. Avoid getting frustrated with short-term setbacks and focus on the long-term benefits of treatments.
2. Seek Counseling Yourself
Recognize that having a depressed spouse affects you too, and seeking a counselor to work through your frustrations and fears can go a long way to keeping you emotionally healthy. A counselor can help you to solve issues you and your spouse are having, so having joint sessions as well as individual sessions can be helpful.
3. Learn About Depression
Sometimes frustration comes from not understanding why your spouse is behaving a certain way. Learning as much as you can about depression can help you to have a better perspective of your spouse’s behavior and recognize that his or her actions aren’t meant to hurt you. A better understanding can also help you to know how to encourage and help your spouse.
4. Seek Support From Friends and Family
You don’t have to bear the burden of caring for your spouse on your own. Instead of keeping the condition a secret and making excuses for your spouse, share what you are going through with your close friends and family. When others know what is going on, they will be more forgiving and understanding of your spouse’s behavior and be able to offer you additional support. There’s no shame in accepting offers to clean your home or watch the kids for you. Those kinds of breaks will give you the energy to keep going and be happy yourself.
5. See Depression as a 3rd Party
Rather than saying your spouse is depressed, talk about depression as a separate entity. Doing this can help you to talk about the disease constructively with your spouse and create an action plan to combat the disease rather than to combat your spouse. Blaming the depression for certain behaviors or attitudes can also allow you to express your own feelings to your spouse constructively rather than avoiding the topic all together or blaming your spouse directly.
6. Don’t Blame Yourself
Sometimes the spouse of someone with depression believes that they should be able to cure their spouse or perhaps blames themselves for causing the depression. Recognize that even if your spouse gets upset by some of the things you say that the reaction is caused by a medical condition beyond your control. Only medical attention can cure your spouse, so don’t pressure yourself to love your partner out of depression.
7. Take Care of Yourself
Finally, don’t give up your entire life or the things you need and solely devote your time to the care of your spouse. Strive to maintain regular meals, your cleaning schedule and your normal social life. If it helps, schedule specific times in which you will help your spouse and then spend other times doing hobbies and other activities that are important for your happiness. Ultimately, you can only help your spouse if you are in a healthy emotional and physical state to begin with.
